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CONFRONTING THE ISSUE
Be open and honest about your feelings but don't let anger or fear overwhelm
your effectiveness in communicating with your child. Very little good comes
out of an emotionally charged situation. Take a walk and cool down before
considering the best way to respond. Don't confront when your child or you
are "high" or drunk - it's just a waste of time. There are healthy
and unhealthy ways to respond to a problem. Both take time, energy, and
planning.
Don't Minimize and Deny
Sometimes, even in the face of unalterable facts, we, as parents, want
to believe otherwise. Putting your head in the sand may be comforting,
but it is also counterproductive. Underacting is as harmful as overreacting.
Treat the Behavior and Set Standards
Name calling, scolding, blaming, and threatening can create bitterness.
Mutual respect should be safeguarded, especially when serious problems arise.
Don't Be Afraid to Set Standards
One of the comments counselors often hear from adolescents is that parents
have not taken a stand at appropriate times. Often they wish parents would
say "NO" clearly and firmly. Not taking a stand may lead the
adolescent to wonder if their parents really care for them. Failing to
carry through with promised consequences is often more damaging than having
no consequences at all.
For the Time Being, Don't Ask Why
Sometimes parents are made to feel guilty when problems arise with their
children. The home environment is only one of the several forces affecting
your child. If you feel guilty, your child can more easily exploit these
feelings in order to avoid the real issues. For the time being, work with
what's happened rather than why it happened.
Ask For Help
There are many confidential resources available
to parents - if you'll only ask. They can help you sort out whether there
is a serious problem and what you might do about it. You can ask another
adult, school counselor, school social worker, school psychologist, or
professional alcohol or drug counselor for advice.
NEVER PUT YOURSELF IN DANGER
Speaking up yourself may not always be appropriate.
If this is the case, "Peer Mediation" is available in various
places throughout the city (Langston Hughes Center, Future's Academy,
Urban Christian Ministry, etc.). Help is just a phone call away. Collect
Information - Suspend Judgment - Ask for Help and Support
 WHEN A KID
IS HIGH, STONED OR DRUNK
What to do if your son/daughter comes home
drunk or stoned…
That Night
 Do…Try to remain cool
and calm.
Do...Verbally attempt to
find out what substances they have ingested, and under what circumstance.
Do…If son/daughter is
incoherent and/or quite ill call a doctor or take to emergency room.
Say…To son/daughter
we will talk about this tomorrow.
Send... Son/daughter to bed
and check frequently during the night.
Do Not… Shout at, accuse
or physically abuse your son/daughter.
All this is quite useless when they are in this
condition.
The Next Day
Do… Have them assume
responsibility for their actions including clean-up.
Do… Have a talk with
son/daughter immediately.
Do… Try to find out
circumstance under which they came to use drugs/alcohol including the
people he/she was with.
Do… Let your son/daughter
know you do not condone their behavior and you will be watching him/her
closely in the future.
Do… Establish guidelines
for behavior with your son/daughter as well as curfews for going out with
friends. Expect compliance.
Do… Consider with son/daughter
alternative activities to avoid repeat exposure to drugs/alcohol.
Do Not… Have your discussion
with your son/daughter if you are too angry to talk about it without losing
your temper. Wait until you can discuss it calmly. Don't try to hide the
incident from other family members.
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